I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
