My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
