onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
