I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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