She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
