$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Help. Why am I so naked?
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