Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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