There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
