Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
