I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
