Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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