So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
