He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
