Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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