Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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