I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
