I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
