Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
