I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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