today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
