I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
