I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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