Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
