I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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