Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
