Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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