soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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