so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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