Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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