Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
