I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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