Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
