fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
