Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
