I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
