I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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