For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
