You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
