Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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