I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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