My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
