My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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