I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
