You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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