We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
