rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
