If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
