Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
