It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
