i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
