I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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