she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
