I want to stick my p in your. b.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
