On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
