I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
ok first of all what the fuck
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
