dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
