so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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