Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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