Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
