So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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