If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
