Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My ass is underappreciated
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
