hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
