it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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