This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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