In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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