My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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