totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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